So there is this site full of Office quotes when I ready them I laugh. Here are some:
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.
Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael Scott: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?
Jim Halpert: Question. What kind of bear is best?
Dwight Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim Halpert: False. Black bear.
Dwight Schrute: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought--
Jim Halpert: Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight Schrute: Bears do not... What is going on?! What are you doing?!
Michael Scott: Ladies and gentleman, I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Oscar: Where?
Michael Scott: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her, life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why would you have to phrase is like that?
Michael Scott: Man I would love to burn your candles!
Jan: You burn it you buy it!
Michael Scott: Oh good! I'll be your first customer!
Jan: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!
Michael Scott: That is a 200 dollar plasma TV you've just killed. Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a month plus benefits salary, babe!
Michael Scott: Come here. [talking about Pam] I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Oscar: What? Why wouldn't you say that to her face?
Andy: If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance.
Michael Scott: [bangs gavel] The hell is that?
Phyllis: It's the only gavel I could find.
Michael Scott: It squeaks when you bang it. That's what she said.
Phyllis: Wanna talk about it?
Dwight Schrute: About what.
Phyllis: You know I know. You know they know. [looks at camera]
Dwight Schrute: I know none of that. And if I did, you'd be the last to know.
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