A few days ago, I read my grandpa's personal history for the first time. I've had it for about 4 years now, but have never had a desire to read it. I know what kind of person he was. I know what he did, said, thought and how he acted. I didn't need to read it.
He died on July 2 - 4 years ago, and I've just been thinking about how he has changed though my eyes in the past 4 years, and it's been for the better. I've had dreams and thoughts and He's been getting better.
While he was on this earth, many people viewed him as a great great man with outstanding accomplishments. He was a C130 pilot in the Air Force for 20+ years. He was a high school teacher, councilor, football coach, traveled around the world, was active in church and loved numbers, big money saver, loved horses. He did in fact live a full life.
In my eyes, those things listed above are all great things. There were times though were he wasn't so great. At all. He wasn't afraid to tell you what he thought, hurtful or not. He lacked compassion for the people close to him and didn't want to get hurt. He was very controlling. He didn't seem to want to fix relationships, rather he would slam them into the ground. He personally told me some things about close family members that I will never forget and how he could say those things was beyond me!
When he died, I wasn't sad to see him go. I knew it would be hard for my grandma, because he did everything.
In reading his personal history, I learned a lot. He didn't think he had what it took to become a pilot. That was a shock to me. I guess I figured he was the kind of guy that always knew what he wanted and got it. It was neat to read about some of his war experiences flying during Vietnam and the places he traveled to.
He did have his favorite things/people. He raved about them, and not much else. I guess it does make scene to talk about the things you like. I was disappointed to not read about more of his family. It's not really a surprise though.
I am bitter when it comes to my grandpa's life and my grandma's. Once my grandpa died, my grandma changed.
She and I used to hang out. We would have 6-8 hour phone conversations every weekend. I would go visit them in Washington and we'd go to Walmart, I'd tell her to look old so we could get a wheel chair and take turns pushing each other. We'd listen to Elvis and sit out on the back pouch. We'd bake. We'd go shopping. In Panaca, she would drive us to my house and not ever push on the gas pedal, so we would go like 2 miles an hour. We'd play jacks with rocks and a golf ball. We had a lot of fun.
There were a lot of cats that came out of the bag once she was alone. My relationship with her began it's ending one Sunday morning in 2006. It was over something dumb. A few months later, we got into a large argument about attitudes and that Sunday morning. We talked about 2 more times in 2007 and now nothing. I heard that she has got remarried and is very happy. I don't really have a desire to talk to her. I fell that there would a be a ton of tension if we were ever in the same room.
I have been so bothered by all this stuff for the past few days, that I had to write about and get it out.
Like I said before, my outlook on my grandpa has changed over the past 4 years through dreams and thoughts. I know that he is hanging around and I know that he now cares.
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I have thus had a desire to want to work on my family history projects again. We have all the dates, names and places - but I want the personal histories. I want to know all I can about my past. Personalities, body shapes and features are carried on. I have a collection of photos and info already in Reno that I need to add to. Living here in Salt Lake - the core of family history - I should probably do something about mine.
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My family is far from perfect. I wish we could all be in the same room and not have grudges or jealousy thoughts. I wish we could all just get along and like each other for who we each are. Maybe we should have a family reunion or something. It's been years since we were all together for a happy cause.
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